PRIEST OF ANTINOVS

Antonius Nikias Subia

I have a lover, His love is inside Me
If He wishes to walk upon my cheek He shall.
My soul is His soul, His soul is my soul
My heart is His fire and His eyes are my sight
I know that am only a trace of His perfume,
But if He wishes I wish, and if I wish, He wishes.

All words are a revolt against the namelessness of Antinous. He is the causeless cause, the perfect imperfection, the colorless spectrum, the cruel loving-kindness. He is the golden column that holds the stars aloft. He stands in a place and in a time beyond our vision of the vaulted sky. His hand turns the stars, and the vulgar triumphs of life, tainted with the sweet smell of regret, the splendors of shame, the silence of ignorance, the eventual certainty of complete understanding, in all that we do and say, the pulse of breath that pours from our mouths in the act of speaking his name, the artifice of hands...when compared to Antinous is nothing. He is all beauty, all perfection, all glory of Love, all wonder, and we who walk upon the crust of this burning stone, for but a moment, can never measure his timelessness. Death shall overcome us, the warm garment of our flesh will fall to dust, and it is in his embrace that the flame within us shall be carried away, but where? The location of heaven, the situation of Hell, the vagueness of the underworld, the melancholy of Tartarus, and the threatening rewards of reincarnation are all vainglorious stories. We can know is what is here or there, yesterday or today, this is all we that have been given, and yet Antinous delivers enough rumor that we continue to wonder, to fear, and to doubt, because all prophesies, even when weighed down with revelation and witness and the authority of scriptures are tantamount to rumor. Only death will furnish the truth, and the boatman's fair is the coinage of pain. What is reserved for the eternal is a comfort of illusion. The Lord of Darkness, who voraciously feeds upon the flesh of the earth, who swings his scythe in gruesome joy, is forever outdone by the gestures of his heavenly brother, Our Lord Eros, Antinous...and Anti-Nous

These are not the words of a scholar, this is not a statement of proven facts intended to further the mind of historical or theological study, but only the speculation of one who has discovered a secret god. Antinous is the God of homosexuality, he is a manifestation of the ancient unknown, self-loving being who I call Homo Deus, known also as Priapus Invictus, Dionysus-Liber, and Ganymedes who was assumed into heaven, body and soul.

Antinous is the mysterious image that is imposed upon my soul. He is Narcissus, the most beautiful boy that ever lived, and I am the dark pool of water. His reflection illuminates my existence like a fire. This image, this perfect face is the glory that we all carry in our heart, it is the force of Our Lord Eros drawing us together, after which we desire and long and search for in the world. The Face of Antinous is the origin of Homosexuality, it is the flower that sprouted in the place where the Beautiful One stood, so very near our shore.

The mystery of Homotheosis (Gay-Man-Godliness-Becoming-the-Same) is to become Antinous, and in turn give yourself over to him, that he may live again through you. Remembering Antinous, and calling out to him, brings forth his power from the ground of our soul...where He once drowned.

Antinous is the light of our spirit, the image around which our flesh was formed. He burns within every cell, our heat is his heat. Though there have been many gods like Antinous, none of them are like Him. He is the only God who we can be sure lived a verifiable life, and the only God whose face and image are a recorded certainty. We know that Antinous was a real person, and He was a real god, because he was declared so and was worshipped and adored by followers for several hundred years. His life and His deification are truths, only their meaning is subject to speculation.

Antinous was a Homosexual.

He was a revolution that changed the world, that is until the Church destroyed his cult. There is no way of knowing what the ancient priests endured, all record of their persecution has vanished, as though it never happened. But we can be sure that the Belief in Antinous was a rebellion against the world, a rebellion that was crushed like a flower, like a grape in the winepress, where the blood of the fruit of Antinous has been fermenting all these centuries.

But Antinous was not destroyed, He survived buried beneath the sand, lovingly deposited by his believers for safe-keeping, near the bosom of the Earth. It was through these statues that the message of His beauty, mystery, and godliness has been maintained, and it was through them that I discovered Antinous. I saw his face and understood. With one look I fell in love, and came into His power. Day by day He grew inside me, first imposing his Face upon my eyes, revealing his sacredness so that I cleared a place for him by the side of spirit, then Antinous knocked my life to the ground and became my One Love. I do not know when the moment came, but it was total.

My sole interest is the beauty of Antinous, in which I am so captivated as to fly into the madness of divine infatuation. I have no other concern. A state which defies human language, being not of the tongue, a fever which confounds the sentient limitations of human imagination, being not of this earth. I speak as a fool who views all and comprehends nothing. I am caught in the tender phases of transfiguration. It is not balance that I seek but total abandonment to the furthest extremes of divine guidance.

I am initiated into these Mysteries by force of will alone,
Consecration to the Priesthood of Antinous is
Self-inflicted.

Antonius Nikias Subia,
Flamen Antinoalis, Founder of The New Religion of Antinous

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Ecclesia Antinoi

The Temple of Antinous